Café Philos: an internet café

Dear Café Philos,

I devotedly wish to support International Nude Blogging Days, but I have a question. A while back, my dear husband made it abundantly clear that he believes it is entirely inappropriate for me to blog stark naked nude.

As you can see from the accompanying photo, I have compromised by assiduously blogging while fan dancing. My question is: Is fan dancing while blogging a good way to support the International Nude Blogging Movement?

Respectfully yours,

Sally "Flaming Feathers" Smith



Dear Flaming Feathers,

Blogging while fan dancing is a perfectly appropriate way to support the International Nude Blogging Movement. After all, the purpose of the Movement is to protest against prudes who foolishly equate any state of undress with rampant immorality. Since fan dancing involves a state of undress, it is highly likely to scandalize prudes, and is therefore a good thing. Carry on!

Yours in Undress,

Café Philos

The above illustration of two women visiting an art museum is taken from a German children's book. A couple of months ago, the children's book was about to be published in the United States when alert editors of the American publisher noticed the tiny stature had a tiny penis.

Naturally, the editors immediately realized that (1) the tiny penis would pose an overwhelming threat to the morals of America's children, and (2) the book simply could not be published without censoring the tiny penis out of existence.

The German author, Rotraut Susanne Berner, refused permission to censor the penis (unless the censorship was done in an obvious fashion), and, consequently, the book has not been published in the all-too-prudish United States.

To the morally insane there can be no compromise: Even an artist's mere suggestion of a penis is enough to elicit gasps of disbelief and outrage from them. Worse, one should never expose children to the fact they have genitals. Knowing they have genitals will only cause boys and girls to grow up to be hippies who lack the moral fiber to bomb other civilizations into the stone age and who most certainly engage in pre-marital sex.

It's enough to make you wonder why psychologists have been so slow to identify prudishness as an emotional disorder. We are not talking about extremes here. We are not talking about a children's book that provides kiddies with a how-to for deviant sex. We are only talking about an exceedingly mild and natural thing: simple nudity. Yet, that's more than enough to upset the morally insane among us. Upset them enough that a Children's publisher dare not publish a vague illustration of a tiny penis.

Which is why you must blog nude this Monday. Only by declaring your resolution to show the world that nudity is not morally corrupting can you and potentially millions of others like you take on the moral stupidity of people who would censor a tiny penis from a children's book on the grounds it somehow will hurt kids to view it.


Full story of the children's book here.

Related posts on the International Nude Blogging Movement here.

(To the right: Intrepid American bloggers practice naked yoga in preparation for their upcoming trip to India as part of the recent milestone nude deal between the two nations.)

As many of you know, I was first alerted to the "recent nude deal between India and the US" by discovering that Café Philos ranks number one in the world for that very special search term -- an impressive accomplishment for any blog, let alone a blog less than seven months old.

Unfortunately, Café Philos seems to stand alone as the only reliable source on the internet for the truth about the "recent nude deal between India and the US". All the other hits for that vital search term turn out to be about the recent 123 Nuclear Agreement. Obviously, the international press is more concerned about the relatively minor and comparatively unimportant nuclear agreement between India and the US than it is about the far reaching and vital nude agreement between India and the US. Shame on them!

So, as the net's only reliable source on the recent nude deal between India and the US, I feel Café Philos has a moral obligation to openly discuss and fully support the recent deal, even though everyone else is involved in a vast conspiracy of silence about the deal.

Of course, some of you may object that the obvious reason for everyone else's silence about the nude deal between India and the US is the fact there actually is no nude deal between India and the US. But that fact is a mere minor technicality. In the larger picture -- the picture we at Café Philos are focused on -- the fact there is not yet a nude deal between India and the US is of no importance at all. After all, we live in the 21st Century: Was it important to Bush and Cheney that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction? Of course not! And, by the same token, it should not be of the least concern to you or anyone else that India and the US have yet to effect a nude deal.

That's why you should not be embarrassed in the least to write to your elected representatives demanding immediate ratification of the recent nude deal between India and the US. If enough people write their representatives demanding ratification of the deal, I'm sure the governments of our two great nations will, at the very least, commence negotiating a nude deal.

When you write to your representatives be sure to point out that:

(1) It is in the overriding interests of both nations to have a cultural exchange program with each other;

(2) A nude cultural exchange program is far, far more likely to get a lot of publicity than a clothed cultural exchange program;

(3) The best of all possible nude cultural exchange programs is obviously an exchange of nude bloggers; and therefore,

(4) You are strongly urging your representative to introduce legislation to immediately ratify the recent nude deal between India and the US in which adequate provision will be made for a mutually beneficial exchange of nude bloggers between our two great nations.

Just imagine what a boost you'll be giving the International Nude Blogging Movement!

Act Today!

Yesterday, I noticed Café Philos had gotten a series of hits from around the world for the search term, "be true to oneself". So, I checked out Google and discovered that your favorite internet café comes up number six out of 2,240,00 hits for that search.

Naturally, I was pleasantly impressed, but not so impressed that I decided to write to you about it. After all, being number six is not quite the same thing as being number one. But today... today, I discovered Café Philos actually does rank number one for a vital and important search term!

The search term is, "recent nude deal between India and the US".

Out of 390,000 references to the "recent nude deal between India and the US", Café Philos beats 'em all.

Yay!

The only problem with this astonishing accomplishment is that I have absolutely no idea what the recent nude deal between India and the US is about.

Of course, I most strongly hope it means the fearless leaders of both India and the US have worked out a landmark cultural deal to exchange nude bloggers between our two great nations. Such a deal could only benefit the rapidly growing International Nude Blogging Movement.

Yet, I somehow doubt that's what's up with the "recent nude deal between India and the US". Instead, I fear the search term is a reference to the recent nuclear deal between India and the US. The 123 Agreement. About which I posted a short note here. The comments on that post are well worth reading, by the way.

Well, at least this community is number one for nude deals between India and the US. And if and when any such deal takes place, we will be perfectly positioned to reap the publicity from it.

Just think of the fame!

Nude bloggers all across the world today will be cheered to hear the news that Blader Industries, the huge international mega-conglomerate, has adopted a policy of blogging nude on Mondays for all its employees. Story here.


UPDATE: The ever growing Nude Blogging Movement has just scored another major victory -- it's first ever posting of a male nude in commemoration of Nude Blogging Mondays. See a gorgeous male nude at "In the Spirit of Chaos" here.


UPDATE: In yet another astounding victory for the Nude Blogging Movement, Guitar's Cry has composed a thoughtful essay on the belief nudity is a sin here.

Alas! Could Aristide Maillol have known when he sculpted his beloved "Flora" that someday the mere sight of her absolutely naked beneath her clingy garment would utterly destroy a child's morals? Would plunge the child into a vast spiritual darkness? And possibly lead to the child's future sexual promiscuity, if not to an unnatural lust for bronze dildos?

That, after all, is exactly what happened less than a year ago when Sydney McGee, a 5th grade Texas art teacher, took 89 of her students to the Dallas Museum of Art where "Flora" was lurking hideously on display. Within hours of the field trip, a parent called the school to complain that her child had been fatally exposed to a nude statue -- most likely "Flora".

Thankfully, the school was quick to take punitive action. The very next day, the school's principle, Nancy Lawson, called Sydney McGee into her office for a well deserved bashing during which Lawson pointedly mentioned McGee's criminal exposure of her students to nude art. Of course, a mere verbal bashing is never enough of a punishment in Texas, home to the death penalty, so within a short time of the bashing, it was announced by the school system that McGee's annual contract would not be renewed and that a replacement for her had been interviewed. Sydney McGee got what she deserved for allowing her 11 year olds to see nudity and near nudity, and that should have been the end of that.

Unfortunately, the story became public. Pesky people, morally sane people, complained in droves. The school did what every reasonable and responsible institution these days will do upon being caught out: They too went public and, of course, smeared Sydney McGee to the hilt in the press, while at the same time admirably backtracking by denying the parent's complaint that her child had been exposed to nude art was a factor in the decision to fire McGee.

If you, Gentle Reader, believe you have detected a certain amount of sarcasm in how I've presented this story, you are right. It is obscene that in the 21st Century a parent's complaint her child had been exposed to nude art could result in a teacher being reprimanded, let alone -- in all probability -- play a role in the teacher being fired. There is only one way to explain it: Moral insanity.

The morally insane among us do indeed believe that nudity is corrupting. They very much believe that. And they are quite often more than willing to impose their insanity on others. That is why a Texas art teacher could be reprimanded for exposing a child to nude art. It is why an Ohio District Attorney could prosecute a grandmother for taking photos of her granddaughters in their underwear. It is why a Colorado woman could sue a pharmacy on the grounds the photos she mistakenly received from the pharmacy of a nude man traumatized her and caused her great mental suffering. Such extraordinarily stupid prosecutions, reprimands and lawsuits are only possible because a significant number of people are morally insane.

But what can we do about it? Well, we can demonstrate to the world that we ourselves are not afraid of nudity. We can show others that we ourselves are not cowering in our homes worried the world will come to an end if Janet Jackson's left nipple appears again on TV. And, most of all, we can prove by our vast numbers that the morally insane among us are only a minority. And how do we do all that?

By publicly declaring our allegiance to the ever growing International Nude Blogging Movement, of course. By blogging in the nude on Mondays, as God and Darwin intended us to do. And by speaking out against the outrages of the morally insane.

Have a great Nude Blogging Day!

Yup! It's Monday -- and that means the weekly International Nude Blogging Day has arrived! Time to get naked!

If you're like Chiara (to the left) you've spent the early morning cleaning up your best suit -- your birthday suit -- in preparation for an exciting day of nude blogging.

But why is Chiara giggling?

Could it be because she's heard her exposed nipple is, even as we speak, destroying the very moral fabric of American society?

Certainly, that's what all too many Americans believe about exposed nipples. They believe nipples have powers more mysterious than those of Harry Potter and his gang. Powers such as a mysterious ability to destroy the moral fiber of anyone who spies one. Not to mention an equally mysterious ability to psychologically warp kids for life. And, worse, the mysterious ability to turn even the most decent American into a Democrat.

Never mind that most Europeans routinely survive the assault of nude nipples. Never mind that many Japanese practice coed bathing. Never mind that for most of our evolution, our species did not wear clothes. According to the morally insane, none of those things matter. All that matters to the morally insane is their fantastic belief that nudity is intrinsically corrupting of the human spirit and soul.

Yet, they are the ones in power. They are the ones who make the rules. And they are the ones who do such astoundingly "moral" things as prosecute grandmothers for taking photos of their granddaughters in underwear. Is that fair?

That's why you need to join the growing Nude Blogging Movement. Only by actually demonstrating that nudity does not lead to utter moral decay and devastation can we ever hope to take back this country from the morally insane among us. And the best way of demonstrating that truth -- the very best way -- is for millions of us to profess our allegiance to blogging in the nude on Mondays. Nude Blogging is a simple but powerful gesture that neither harms the environment nor allows the likes of moralists such as James Dobson to sleep well at nights. In both respects, it's perfect.

Here are a couple of commonly asked questions and concerns about the growing Nude Blogging Movement:

Q: I've noticed many people in my community have no problem with their kids witnessing gross violence, but are scandalized by simple nudity. Why is that?

A: Professional psychologists tell us the phenomena you describe is clinically called "moral insanity" or, in layman's terms, "Absolute Bonkers." Although it can have several causes, the most likely cause of moral insanity in this case is spending way too much time listening to bimbo talk show hosts explain how the world works to them.

Q: I'm from the South. What sort of make up should I wear while blogging in the nude?

A: Being a Southerner, you'll naturally want to wear full body make up while blogging in the nude. Begin with your feet and hose it on using an industrial spray paint outfit hooked up to your favorite cosmetics.

Remember to strike a blow for freedom from moral insanity this Monday -- blog in the nude!



Photo courtesy of DOMAI.

Nude Blogging Day!

News Item: "A[n American] jury convicted Julie Amero in January on four counts of 'risk of injury to a minor' because her PC displayed pop-up ads for porn sites that could be seen by her seventh-grade students. The charges carry a maximum 40-year prison sentence."

There's some pretty raunchy porn on the internet. Porn that I would not willingly show to a child. least they get the wrong idea about sex. Even so, most porn on the net is unlikely to injure a minor. So, how could it happen that a substitute teacher faces a possible 40 year prison sentence because her students saw porn? The explanation cannot be that seeing porn really risked injury to a minor. Rather, the explanation lies in America's moral hysteria concerning all things sexual.

We need to kick the stuffing out of that moral insanity. By blogging in the nude on Mondays, you show your solidarity with such people as Julie Amero, a woman who is being persecuted by the morally insane members of our society. By joining the rapidly growing Nude Blogging Movement, you strike a blow for a saner society. Join today! You have nothing to loose but your clothes!

I recently came across a thread on a forum that asked the question, "If your children had to see one or the other in a movie, would you prefer them to see violence or nudity?"

I humbly submit that any morally sane person, given that choice, would prefer their children to see nudity, rather than violence. Yet, some people responding to the question stated they would prefer their children to see violence. Apparently, the myth that nudity can be equated to violence, or is even worse than violence, is still with us.

All of history shows that moral sanity does not come to a society without a struggle. Therefore, none of us can expect society to take a morally sane position on nudity unless we are willing to struggle out of our clothes each Monday to blog in the nude. The logic is irrefutable! All that remains is for you to participate in the rapidly growing Nude Blogging Movement today!

Moral insanity is a terrible thing. It can be especially terrible when the morally insane person attempts to impose their moral confusion on other people.

Now, that's exactly what happened a while back. Some morally insane police arrested a grandmother for taking nude pictures of her grandchildren. But that indecent arrest was followed by a morally insane prosecutor charging the grandmother with a sex crime:

In early 2000, Marian Rubin's granddaughters, Amy, then 8, and Kayla, then 3, were dancing naked on her bed before bath time, strutting their best Britney and Christina moves. In still photos, they must have looked posed.

Rubin is the basis of an urban legend, the 65-year-old granny taken to jail for snapping innocent bathtub pictures of her beloved grandkids. Except her case was real, and the headlines in the Trentonian screamed, "Granny Busted/Cops Think She's a Perv."

The night that she was arrested, after picking up the nude pictures of the girls at a local MotoPhoto outlet -- Rubin, an experienced and award-winning art and children's photographer, insists that she never intended to publish these photos -- Montclair, NJ, police went to the girls' home and had their parents wake them up.

"They asked totally inappropriate questions," says Rubin, who is now 72. "'Did Granny get undressed, too? Did Granny touch you? Did Granny touch herself?' They threatened my son and daughter that, if they didn't cooperate, the kids would be taken away."

Rubin wrote a book, Naked Truths (www.naked-truths.com), detailing her outrage at what she calls vigilante film processors, and she excoriates cops and prosecutors for being unable to admit they'd made a mistake.

On her lawyer's advice, she took a deal called a "Pretrial Intervention" that amounted to conditional probation but left her with no criminal record. She now regrets not taking the case to trial. Even though a federal judge later found the pictures to be "totally inoffensive," Rubin is still paying off the $30,000 debt.

"I haven't taken a nude picture since," says Rubin, who has won awards for nude bodyscape photography. "Portraiture was my thing. They took away my innocence, constricted my vision, brainwashed me into seeing things differently. They definitely changed my pictures of children."

The fact is, we live in a society where some folks just freak when they see nudity. Even some people who are in positions of authority freak. They freak and cannot make a morally sane decision about nudity -- even though the quality of people's lives depend on their making a sane decision.

So it's up to you and me to make a difference. The only way the morally insane can be successful in their efforts to impose their insanity on the rest of us is if the rest of us fail to stand up to them. Surprisingly, it's not hard to stand up to them. Sanity is on our side.

Even a journey of 10,000 miles begins with a first step. And the first step towards moral sanity in this country is to publicly declare your allegiance to the Nude Blogging Movement. Today, Monday, is Nude Blogging Day. Won't you join the rapidly growing Nude Blogging Movement today?


Reference

About two years ago, a woman went to a drugstore here in town to pick up some photos she'd left to be developed. She was in a rush when she paid for her photos and didn't take a look at them until she got back home. That's when she discovered the drugstore had given her the wrong set of photos. Instead of the family pictures she expected, she found photos of a nude man.

Suppose you were the woman. What would you do?

Here's what the woman did: She called her lawyer, and he filed a lawsuit against the drugstore on her behalf alleging that she had been "traumatized" by the sight of the nude man.

Traumatized.

By nudity.

Remember that story the next time you think society is morally sane. It's not. In all likelihood, more people than you think believe mere nudity is traumatic. That's why it's important to support the rapidly growing Nude Blogging Movement by declaring that you blog in the nude on Mondays.

Each Monday, potentially millions of nude bloggers give the lie to the crazy notion that nudity is traumatic. Won't you do your part by joining them?

Early this week, when the lady to the left heard that Mondays are Nude Blogging Days, she made a point of dressing up to blog.

Sadly, she's morally confused.

Due to an unfortunate head injury, she deeply believes that by dressing up to protest the possibly millions of people who blog in the nude on Mondays, she is saving her nation and society.

In her new, concussion-induced worldview, the sight of even a single naked nipple is fully capable of plunging society into a new moral dark age. She is no longer concerned with war, poverty, ignorance, environmental degradation, or disease. Those threats to society have paled for her ever since her accident. In their stead, she's discovered a dizzying conviction that somewhere, somehow, sometime, a naked nipple will emerge to usher in the apocalypse.

What can be done to help her? Scientists are even now attempting to reverse engineer the brick that smacked her on the head, but prospects for a full recovery are dim -- she's already applied for a high level job with Focus on the Family, and it looks like she'll be accepted now that she meets the mental qualifications for a vice president of that organization. So, at this point, her last hope on earth is you.

Yes, only you can help her now. By blogging in the nude on Mondays -- every Monday -- you and potentially millions of other nude bloggers give the lie to her delusion that nudity is a dire threat to society. That's to say, only by actually showing her nothing evil comes of nudity can you hope to help her. Won't you do your part to help her this coming Monday?

Won't you join the growing Nude Blogging Movement?

If you're like our friend (left), you're absolutely ecstatic that today is Nude Blogging Day.

As you can see, she's expressing her appreciation of Nude Blogging Day by taking a moment out of her busy schedule to celebrate the pleasures of simple nudity while she clenches her laptop equipped with wireless internet between her knees (hidden by the foxtails).

Like you, me, and potentially millions of other bloggers, she's motivated by an adamant desire to change society for the morally better. So she's joined the Nude Blogging Movement.

Sadly, not everyone agrees that nude blogging is moral. There are people -- even influential people -- who think the good lady to the left of us is spinning society into dark moral decline simply by blogging naked amongst the foxtails.

Those folks are morally confused. For reasons perhaps known only to themselves and their psychiatrists, they firmly believe great evil comes of simple nudity. Most of them were shocked to the bone when Janet Jackson's naked nipple appeared for two seconds on international television during the superbowl.

At the time, the FCC was deluged with angry letters and emails from folks outraged that even a single nipple was seen by themselves and their children -- as if their children would inevitably grow up to be perverts and sex criminals now. Politicians demanded an investigation. The FCC responded by fining the broadcaster, then toughening its standards. Jackson's "nipple of doom" launched a national crisis.

Is that what so many people think morality is all about? Naked nipples? Apparently so. At some point, all morally sane people should be asking themselves, "Do we really want a society that's crazy enough to take a nosedive into sheer hysteria over nudity?"

Of course, nothing is going to change society unless those of us who are morally sane enough to recognize the inanity of going into hysterics over nudity do something to change things. That's why, as a decent person, you have a moral obligation to blog in the nude on Mondays.

You say, you already blog in the nude? Great! Your morals are impeccable. But, to change society, you should do more than merely blog in the nude. You must let the world know you blog in the nude.

Only by letting others know we blog in the nude can we make society face up to the reality that nudity is neither sinful nor morally corrupting. And that's why it's important to publicly join the growing Nude Blogging Movement, like our friend above has done.

The growing Nude Blogging Movement needs you to light the way to moral sanity by publicly declaring that on Mondays (at the least) you blog in the nude.

Doubtless, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Dick Cheney, and other would be "moral leaders" will never join you in declaring that they too blog in the nude on Mondays.

That should not alarm you.

After all, you are far more moral than those gentlemen, and everyone who knows both you and them knows that about you. So, go ahead! Declare that you blog in the nude on Mondays! You have nothing to loose but your clothes!


Related:

Your Moral Duty To Blog In the Nude

The Growing Nude Blogging Movement: Q & A



Photo of nude blogger courtesy of DOMAI.

Monday is only three days away as I write this -- and with Monday comes the moral obligation of all decent bloggers to blog in the nude. So, I thought I would answer some common questions from those few people who have not yet joined the Nude Blogging Movement.

Q. If I blog in the nude on Mondays from my office, can my boss fire me for violating the office dress code?

A. Legally no. The office dress code applies only to dress. Since you will be undressed there is no way a rational judge can say the dress code applies to you.

Q. I love to multitask, but is it safe to blog in the nude on Mondays while working heavy construction as a crane operator?

A. Perfectly safe. That's why your industrial crane has a cab: To keep the construction dust off your laptop.

Q. What if my kids see me blogging in the nude on Mondays?

A. Good question! We can all imagine how embarrassing that would be. Nevertheless, I feel you should not be ashamed to admit even to your kids that you're a blogger. Kids are resilient. It's our spouses we have to worry about.

Remember: By blogging in the nude on Mondays, you strike a blow for a future world in which our descendents will have risen above the ridiculous moral confusion that says the sight of even a single nipple will plunge society into moral decline.


Related:

Your Moral Duty To Blog In The Nude

It's Monday! Time To Blog In the Nude!

Monday will soon be upon us, and -- as many of you know -- with Monday comes the moral duty of every decent blogger to blog in the nude.

Why should all morally decent bloggers blog in the nude on Mondays? By adhering to the rapidly growing custom of blogging in the nude on Mondays, bloggers are doing their moral duty to point out in the most practical way possible that nudity is not sinful -- contra the opinions of many pundits, preachers, and prudes.

Can you imagine Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, or Dick Cheney blogging in the nude on Monday? Of course not! Such morally confused people lack the insight and resolve to blog in the nude. The Falwell's, Robertson's, Dobson's and Cheney's of this world are so confused about morality they almost certainly think nudity is a threat to the very fabric of society. By blogging in the nude on Monday's you point out the lie in their thinking.

But what happens if, like most of us, you work on Mondays in a crowded office where it might not be practical to blog in the nude? That's actually not much of a problem. You can still show your solidarity with the Nude Blogging Movement by blogging in the nude either before or after office hours. You can also, in an absolute pinch, shrewdly compromise by removing only your shoes and socks when you blog on Mondays. After all, barefoot is the next best thing to full nudity.

As more and more millions of people join the growing Nude Blogging Movement, we shall at last overcome the silly Victorian aversion to nudity; the aversion that equates nudity with sin; the aversion that morally confuses so many people. And when that happens, society will at last be free to focus it's energies on something -- on anything -- more important than whether the now infamous two second sight of Janet Jackson's nipple at a Superbowl doomed the nation and the Western World to moral decline. Wouldn't it be nice if people could see a nipple without thinking they're going to hell for having seen it?

This Monday, strike a blow for good moral sense and psychological freedom! Join the Nude Blogging Movement!


Related:

The Growing Nude Blogging Movement: Q & A

It's Monday! Time To Blog In the Nude!