Monday, July 30, 2007

How To Clean Up Nude Blogging?


If you're like Chiara (to the left) you've spent the early morning cleaning up your best suit -- your birthday suit -- in preparation for an exciting day of nude blogging.

But why is Chiara giggling?

Could it be because she's heard her exposed nipple is, even as we speak, destroying the very moral fabric of American society?

Certainly, that's what all too many Americans believe about exposed nipples. They believe nipples have powers more mysterious than those of Harry Potter and his gang. Powers such as a mysterious ability to destroy the moral fiber of anyone who spies one. Not to mention an equally mysterious ability to psychologically warp kids for life. And, worse, the mysterious ability to turn even the most decent American into a Democrat.

Never mind that most Europeans routinely survive the assault of nude nipples. Never mind that many Japanese practice coed bathing. Never mind that for most of our evolution, our species did not wear clothes. According to the morally insane, none of those things matter. All that matters to the morally insane is their fantastic belief that nudity is intrinsically corrupting of the human spirit and soul.

Yet, they are the ones in power. They are the ones who make the rules. And they are the ones who do such astoundingly "moral" things as prosecute grandmothers for taking photos of their granddaughters in underwear. Is that fair?

That's why you need to join the growing Nude Blogging Movement. Only by actually demonstrating that nudity does not lead to utter moral decay and devastation can we ever hope to take back this country from the morally insane among us. And the best way of demonstrating that truth -- the very best way -- is for millions of us to profess our allegiance to blogging in the nude on Mondays. Nude Blogging is a simple but powerful gesture that neither harms the environment nor allows the likes of moralists such as James Dobson to sleep well at nights. In both respects, it's perfect.

Here are a couple of commonly asked questions and concerns about the growing Nude Blogging Movement:

Q: I've noticed many people in my community have no problem with their kids witnessing gross violence, but are scandalized by simple nudity. Why is that?

A: Professional psychologists tell us the phenomena you describe is clinically called "moral insanity" or, in layman's terms, "Absolute Bonkers." Although it can have several causes, the most likely cause of moral insanity in this case is spending way too much time listening to bimbo talk show hosts explain how the world works to them.

Q: I'm from the South. What sort of make up should I wear while blogging in the nude?

A: Being a Southerner, you'll naturally want to wear full body make up while blogging in the nude. Begin with your feet and hose it on using an industrial spray paint outfit hooked up to your favorite cosmetics.

Remember to strike a blow for freedom from moral insanity this Monday -- blog in the nude!



Photo courtesy of DOMAI.

6 comments:

Kay said...

OK, I can't help but ask two questions:

Birthday suite? Or birthday suit?

Also

Where's my full frontal male nude blogger? Hmmm? Hmmm? I want equal opportunity nudeness represented here at Cafe Philos. ;-)

amuirin said...

kay does have a point. *blinks*

I'm supporting nude blogging so far today.

I actually wrote an article about nudism, and you mentioned some of the same things I learned. At risk of getting it thrown in a spam pile, here's the link.

http://www.helium.com/tm/112913/nudity-extreme-modern-humanity

Paul said...

Thanks, Kay! I changed "suite" to "suit" in the text. That's the sort of mistake that comes from trying to blog at three in the morning.

I think the next time I post on nude blogging, I will gratify your every desire by finding a male model for you and Amuirin. It's high time we showed our dedication to equal opportunity nudeness around here!

Amuirin, that's a great article! I recommend anyone reading this to go check it out for an honest and informed perspective on nudism.

decrepitoldfool said...

Gaahh! My moral fibre! Melting! Meltinggg...

BONGO MIRROR said...

Not only do you have a point and do all previous commenters have points but you said something that I thought was darned funny. I thought the question about make-up was funny. Thank you for causing me to giggle.

The Gorilla Guys said...

Kay,

We will gladly provide you the "equal opportunity" you want, but we can't guarantee your personal satisfaction.

Sorry.